Sadness grasping victory
by Detonator
Summary: Two years ago, Jane left the CBI, including Lisbon. Lisbon feels hurt and doesn't know what to do when someone suddenly intrudes in her apartment.. This is after Jane leaves after he killed Red John in 6x08. Jisbon fluff and angst, a lot of angst.. Might, in future chapters, contain character death.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's note:**

**Hello all Jisbon-fans and everyone else! :D**

**This is another one of my Jisbon-fics, warnings, it might be quite angsty, it's hard for me to say as I've written it.. but I think you readers might find it angsty.. maybe? ****Technically, Lisbon just feels really sad that Jane left and misses him a lot.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Mentalist.**

**In my author's note at the end I have a question for you guys but for now, read and enjoy!**

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><p>Lisbon sat on her couch in her new apartment in Washington.<p>

She sighed and leaned backwards, Jane left. He had left two years ago, not even saying goodbye. He just left, he left after all those years. All those years they´d became best friends and could have become more, but he left. He left after getting his so damn important vengeance on Red John, like if she was nothing. He had just left a voice-mail on her phone, to tell her _it was over_. He hadn´t called her since then, he´d not even been reachable. He´d escaped, gone from the country.

She noticed a tear had fallen and was slowly rolling down her chin as she started sobbing.

He had sent her letters each week during these years but he had never given her an address to let her reply anything, like if he didn´t trust she would keep it to herself. Like if she would betray him, after all those years of honesty with him. She had struggled to get him to open up to her, he never fully did. Now, he didn´t trust _her_? _Her_? Who did he think he was? He was so egoistic and controlling, so manipulative. He could lie to her whenever he wanted. She hated him but still she was foolish enough to fall in love with him? She didn´t know how she could´ve had felt anything towards that man, at all.

He was… he was… She didn´t even know how describe him, how much he had hurt her. She had even believed he was her friend, the closest one she´d ever had in her whole life. She had never trusted someone as much as she had trusted him, and still he had left ripping a piece of her with him. She started to shake violently, she missed him so much. She hated him, but couldn´t stop wondering if he´d ever come back to her. She had whished, dreamed, and even begged for that to happen but it never did. It _never_ did. _He´ll never come back_, she had said once. That time she had sat right here on her couch crying and sobbing out of control. In anger and frustration of not being able to stop loving him she had ran to the kitchen and threw two glasses on the floor hearing the shatter of glass pieces all over the floor. She had sat down there looking at the glass pieces glimmer in the moonlight crying. The glass looked like diamonds in the light, it only remembered her of the emerald-necklace he had given her once that she had later returned. Lisbon had been crying until she went to sleep, the next day she had cleaned the glass.

Now, she was hiding her face in her hands feeling so weak. So weak so she was unable to stand up, knowing her legs wouldn´t carry her. She screamed just to get some of the sadness to fade but it didn´t help, not at all. It just made it all worse, the pain more painful, the emptiness emptier, the hurt feelings bigger, the sadness stronger and her weakness more powerful. She had never cried this much even when her mother or father had died, she had _never_ cried like this. She lied down on the couch and crawled into a ball, making her as small as possible trying to hide from the truth, form life. She wanted to sink under the ground, die. But she had never been brave enough to fulfill her death, she was afraid of dying, disappearing and not being remembered. Everybody wants to be remembered, even though they don´t admit it.

Jane had said he wanted to be forgotten when he died, that he didn´t care. But Lisbon knew deep inside he lied, and he would always be remembered, by her. Always.

In the middle of her sobbing and the silence she heard the door sounding, someone was knocking. She didn´t mind, didn´t care. She wanted to die, but still she didn´t, Jane would never come back so what was the point of living?

The knocking stopped and the person who had knocked was now picking the lock instead, that only reminded her of Jane even more. How he always helped on the cases when a door was locked or when he was planning his own little trick, he was so quick and smart being able to open a lock in a few seconds.

The door swung open slowly and she could hear slow careful steps walking in her direction through the hall. If the intruder would end her life she wouldn´t mind, she would at least not have to do it herself. And she didn´t have anything to lose, she didn´t care whether it would be painful or not. She didn´t care whether she would see her own life run out of her or not, she didn´t care if the blood would dry before she could die. She didn´t mind if it took days or seconds, long or short. She had survived two years without Jane, her death would never be as full of pain as those years. Jane was gone anyway, she didn´t have a reason to live anymore. Jane would probably not even notice if she was death, and even if he did he wouldn´t mind. She could sense the intruder´s presence very clearly now even though she couldn´t see him or her, he or she was behind the back of the couch.

Lisbon could almost feel her ending coming closer and closer.

Was this maybe her last minutes of life?

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><p><strong>Author's note:<strong>

**Hey! So, the question I've got is about the next chapter, I've got two alternatives for the ending..**

** 1. Lisbon dies**

** 2. Jane returns**

**I'm not revealing more, although it feels like I've already said too much.. But, tell me in a review what you want the next chapter to be about, I will put up both versions but I just wanna know what you want to read first! :)**

**So, there's a sad ending (1.) and a happy ending (2.).. I'll put the one with most votes up first :3**

**Please R&R C:**

**See ya all in the next chapter,**

**Detonator**


	2. HAPPY ENDING :D

**Author's note:**

**Hi everyone! Thanks to everyone who reviewed for my story! It makes me really happy and I really appreciate it!**

**Now, in the last chapter I asked you all to vote for which chapter you wanted first for the two different endings of this story. Most people asked for the happy ending, so that is exactly what I've got here!**

**Now, I know there were still some people who asked for the sad ending, I will put it up, but it will be in the next chapter.. But, I don't like to be unfair to anyone so I will put it up right now! C:**

**Now, for the ones who voted for the happy ending.. Here you go! This is the happy version of the ending!**

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><p>She could suddenly hear a very familiar voice.<p>

"Lisbon?" It was male, the voice sounded worried and sad and it contained a little bit of regret. Lisbon didn´t bother to answer, why would she?

She kept silent while she remembered how Jane sounded, this was very much the same as the voice who just called her name. So, or Jane was in the same room as her right now or she had imagined the whole thing. She slowly sat up and looked at the creature standing before her making her gasp in fear, Jane was there.

His eyes were full of darkness, not angry darkness but sad darkness. He looked heartbroken when he saw her face.

_He… He is back, for me?_ Lisbon sat there in shock still sobbing.

"Teresa…" Jane mumbled and ran to her. He embraced her tightly, protecting her from her inner fear that this was all a trick of her brain, that he wasn´t really there. She hugged him hardly with all her resting energy, hiding her face in his neck crying while he stroke her back and hair with his hands.

"Teresa…" He whispered again with relief and sadness in his voice. Lisbon looked at him, she touched his chin softly with the back of her left hand. She needed to know this was reality that he was truly there with her, that he had come back. She was struggling to breathe as he hugged her again, taking a deep breath.

"I am so very sorry, Teresa… I really am…" He whispered as he planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

She hid in his chest like a newborn baby in the mother´s arms. Her fragile arms were resting around his neck. She had known he would return, but she just hadn´t truly believed her own mind. She´d even accepted to die because of the idea of Jane never returning.

She looked up at him again. She would never be able to hate this man, she loved him and couldn´t be happier to see him. And the best part was that he knew it and that he had came back, and this time… to stay with her.

He´d explain everything, he´d apologize, and he´d try to regain the trust he´d lost.

He´d marry her, he´d give her the family she had dreamed about, a new hope, a light in the darkest corned of her heart and soul.

He´d bring her a new beginning that started in the moment he entered through that door…

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><p><strong>Author's note:<strong>

**So that was the happy ending! What did you think? I know that it's short but I don't know, it just felt right to keep it simple :) Tell me how you thought it was in a review!**

**Hope you all that voted for the happy ending are happy with how it turned out! :D**

**The next chapter will be the sad ending, it means that this chapter technically never happened. This and the next chapter are just two different versions for the ending. Just wanted to clarify that, hehe ^.^**

**See ya all in the next chapter,**

**Detonator**

**Ps. don't forget to R&R :3**


	3. SAD ENDING

**Author's note:**

**Hi again!**

**Here is the sad version of the ending! The SAD version, so, for you people who don't really feel like reading it, don't worry. Just wanted to warn you, there will be _characters dying_ in this chapter.**

**Now, I'm not going to write too much as I am very capable of doing and let you read.. :)**

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><p><span>"Reminder"<span>

_She could sense the intruder´s presence very clearly now even though she couldn´t see him or her, he or she was behind the back of the couch__._

_Lisbon could almost feel her ending coming closer and closer._

_Was this maybe her last minutes of life?_

Start of sad ending:

But the person seemed to stay there, like to listen to her sobs before killing her. Like if he or she was savoring the moment, saving the fun for the last.

She heard the intruder chuckle, it was a female. Lisbon sobbed but stayed still, glancing at the table in front of her. Her gun was in reach but the intruder had probably spotted the gun already and was highly unlikely unarmed. But why would she try to fight against? She wanted to die, right? That was when she realized she was still waiting for Jane to come back, hoping he would go to her.

But why? He wouldn´t come back, right?

But now it was too late, the woman had walked around the couch and taken the gun away and thrown it on the floor. She had then grabbed Lisbon and pushed her onto the hard ground of her living room.

That would leave bruises on her dead body, but who cared? Not Jane.

She saw that the woman was masked and had black clothes. Lisbon couldn´t see clearly by the tears but she knew this was what she´d been waiting for. It was written, she had to die today. Finally, finally her pain would end and she could leave her body, leave her body and fly away.

Far away, _free_. Free from life, free from pain, free from love and free from Jane. She would rest in peace, without worry. She closed her eyes and remained still on the floor feeling a sharp pain in her throat, she felt the liquid in her throat block her airways.

The attacker had just stabbed her throat, and Lisbon was choking and coughing up blood of her own. She held her hands around her neck, feeling the warm liquid linger down along her hands and arm leaving dark red lines all over her skin. She felt panicked though she knew she wanted to die, the fear of the pain was still strong.

She tried to grab anything to hold onto, when she felt a big pain in her abdomen seeing the knife cut her stomach open. She watched the cut with wide eyes as her blood flooded out and ran along her sides onto the floor, she couldn´t cry.

Still the tears fell, she couldn´t breathe anymore and darkness fell over her vision leaving her crystallized on the floor, red of her blood with dried tears on her chins. Her throat was open and still bleeding terrifyingly much so even the killer shivered of fear.

The murderer stuck her knife in Lisbon´s dead body´s leg and took some of the blood on her gloved hand painting a smiley face on the wall, _this is for my dad._ She erased any useful evidence of her presence and left. Lisbon´s body was lifeless on the floor of her living room. Her death had been fast but still painful, and now there was nothing anyone could do anything about it, not even the God Lisbon so dearly believed in.

**(A/N: I didn't in any way try to insult any catholic or christian believer at all. Just making sure no one took it negatively.. :))**

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><p>Jane ran towards Lisbon´s door, he had gotten a letter with her name as the sender that said if he wouldn´t meet her this night she would make suicide. He hadn´t believed it at first, Lisbon wasn´t that type of person and why? She had no reason to.<p>

But when the days had passed he realized he just couldn´t take that risk no matter what.

How he´d gotten there he didn´t remember but he was now constantly knocking on her door. The sweat was running from his forehead down to his neck, when nobody opened he kicked the door open. He had never done it before but right now he had so much adrenaline it was easy to kick up ten doors by one kick. He ran through the hall and into the living room watching the back of the couch that was facing away from him.

On the floor to the right he saw black hair, wavy black and frizzy hair and a big puddle of dark red liquid.

Blood.

His breath accelerated as he ran around the couch to see Lisbon´s body blood red and lifeless on the floor. But when he looked up he saw the Red John smiley face, with the text: _This is for my dad,_ under it.

This had been a trap! Lisbon hadn´t been doing suicide! But that didn´t matter now, she was already dead.

The blood wasn´t even dry, he´d come too late. If he had been quicker he could have saved her! He could have taken care of her, protected her! But he was a selfish bastard and came too late, her body was now cut open in her own living room.

He whispered her name, like breath, he had lost the ability to talk. He collapsed on the floor in front of her body. He was crying fiercely watching the body of his best friend, the person he had trusted with his whole life. His soul was hers. But now she was gone, and so was he supposed to be. He looked at the knife in her leg, he was tired of vengeance, of hunting psychopaths all around the world. Tired of struggling, he wanted to give up. And he was going to, he saw Lisbon´s gun on the floor next to her body´s feet.

He grabbed it and leaned against the wall on the opposed direction of the entrance of the apartment.

He looked at the body, the blood made him sick, and to know who´s it was didn´t make it better. He took the safety off the gun **(A/N: If that's what you call it.. Don't really know, hehe)** and hesitated which was the fastest way.

Shot in the head or the heart? He decided the head and pointed the gun at his temple. He closed his eyes, he didn´t even hesitate. He closed his eyes and pulled the trigger, his vision darkened and he died without noticing.

He just disappeared, once again leaving…

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><p><strong>Author's note:<strong>

**This was the sad version for the ending, I hope you people who requested for it are happy with how it turned out!**

**So, yeah, I kinda' brought Red John's daughter into the story to make it work out.. I don't think McAllister has a daughter in the series, or does he? Guess we'll never know :)**

**But please tell me what you thought in a review!**

**Have a wonderful day! ..or night rather, it's around 9.00 PM, but nevermind!**

**Friendly hugs,**

**Detonator**


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